Mid-life Crisis [wat-izhap-ning] Verb: to simultaneously lose control body, mind, spirit – considered a temporary condition affecting males aged 40 to 50 plus years of age; often accompanied by irrational purchases of tight clothing, hair dye, inappropriate automobile fantasies and vascular enhancement medications. May involve a complete lack of self awareness.
Normandy Shoppe
We’ve all heard it; “Life begins at 40 (or 50),” “It’s just a phase” and our favourite “Mom, Dad’s wearing my One Direction t-shirt again.” Either way, phase or debilitating condition, a Mid-Life Crisis can be a difficult time in the life of a once rational male. While some of us don’t believe in the whole idea of a Mid-Life Crisis, alas, there are those who do and even fear the onset of the condition. So, as usual, Corydon Times is not here to judge, we’re here to assist. We assigned our second-to-none investigative journalists to not only research the symptoms of a Mid-Life Crisis but to uncover some practical solutions. And to our surprise, they found them all right here on Corydon Avenue.
It makes sense for us to start this Mid-Life Makeover Journey on the inside.
“Any successful treatment of the nervous system or anxiety issues with herbs has to involve treating the whole body and not simply the signs and symptoms of one particular ailment,” says Chad Cornell, owner of Hollow Reed Holistic at 875 Corydon Ave.
When we asked Chad for examples, nervine tea was at the top of the Master Herbalist’s list. “A nervine is a plant remedy that can have a beneficial effect on the nervous system in some way,” said Cornell.
“As far as addressing a declining libido, I’d recommend Maca, Ashawandha or even Elk Antler Velvet. But these have to be recommended on an individual basis because everyone is different.”
Let’s face it, the average male has been losing hair where you want it and growing it where you don’t since your mid-thirties. Enough’s enough. Maybe it’s time for a fresh, clean start. We’ve seen the “Kelly Clarkson” scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin far too many times to even suggest a full body wax but we found a more gentle method – Body Sugaring. (It even sounds kind of sweet).
According to Maria Volcke from Advanced Body Sugaring at 835 Corydon Ave, “body sugaring is the ancient art of hair removal, a manual technique that has been practiced through the centuries by Egyptian women.”
“Sugar paste is massaged into the skin by hand at lukewarm temperature and is the purest, most natural way to remove unwanted hair for today’s man,” says Maria. “Due to the gentleness, sugaring paste can be applied more than once to the same area; it exfoliates only dead skin cells, which then results in a more thorough removal of the hair.” Bald is beautiful and sweet.
Gravity Lingerie
Next, let’s talk about underwear: the one piece of clothing that the public is never supposed to see (hopefully). We couldn’t imagine this being a serious point of contention for many men, but we’re dealing with a Mid-Life Crisis and when it comes to underwear, that’s a whole different ballgame (see what we did there).
A brief look into the history of wearing underwear suggests that movement of the midsection caused friction with one’s outer layer of clothing, so comfort was key. It wasn’t until the early 1900s when fashionable males wore briefs. Today, it’s perfectly fine to have normal ones, but during a Mid-Life Crisis it’s really worth it to invest in some nice ones.
Gravity Lingerie at 252 Stafford carries one of the today’s best lines in men’s underwear – the MyPakage line. This brand has set a new benchmark in underwear for men. They took the most advanced fabric technology and construction techniques available and built underwear that is unrivalled for fit, comfort, support and style.
“It just makes you feel better,” says Sherry Valentin of Gravity Lingerie. “No one has to know what you’re wearing but you’ll know and feel it. And the funkier, the better.”
Normandy Shoppe at 791 Corydon Ave has got the outer layer covered in comfort and style. Amanda Remond recommended a new pair of 3sixteen Jeans and a Norse Projects shirt right to start things off. “The fit of the jean and shirt is crucial,” says Amanda. “Not too tight and definitely not baggy. And the colour should match your personality.”
Normandy Shoppe
Adding to our Mid-Life Crisis Makeover, Amanda points to a pair of Red Wing Boots, a pair of Retro Super Future Sunglasses and a Filson Bag. “That would be for a perfect getaway,” she says of the bag. But during our visit, we gravitated toward the awesome 1965 Ducati Monza taunting us in the middle of the store. “That’s not for sale,” she stated several times. We don’t think Amanda really understands the “inappropriate automobile fantasies” component of a Mid-Life Crisis, so quest search continued.
Off we went in search for a new set of wheels and to our amazement, despite the fact that there aren’t any automotive dealers on Corydon Ave, we discovered two very interesting options.
Green Apple Skateboard Shoppe
Green Apple Skateboard Shop has wheels, plenty of wheels. And we also learned that a middle aged man on a skateboard is not as rare as one would think. “We’ve got a few out there,” says Mike McDermott who established the skateboard headquarters at 836 Corydon Ave in 2009. “Tony Hawk and Rodney Mullen are both in their late 40’s so it’s not unheard of.”
The other option we discovered for hot wheels on Corydon Ave can be summed up with this- retro-fit. And we went right to the source, Penner Auto Body at 791 Corydon Ave. After a lengthy discussion we discovered the cost to turn that old Honda Accord into a sweet convertible would be an estimated $25,000., “Yes it can be done,” said Daphne Roller of Penner Auto Body. “It would be an interesting project but we could do it for around $25,000.” Daphne quit laughing. That’s still cheaper than a new Porsche.
Depending on the intensity of one’s descent into the world of a Mid-Life Crisis, tattoos and body piercings are also fairly popular option.
Kelly Mcrae of Skin Dimensions down the stairs at 729 Corydon has had a few clients during his 17 years in the business who fall into the Mid-Life Crisis category. “One fellow wanted the name of his ex covered up,” says Mcrea. “So we covered her name with a Camaro logo which is the car he had just purchased.”
Deb Huff at River City Ink & Steel at 776 Corydon Ave knew exactly what we needed when asked about body piercing during a Mid-Life Crisis. Her experience is also based on past clients. “We’ve had a few clients who would fall into that category,” she says. “The majority go for the ear. Some get really rebellious and get both ears done. Then there are the few brave souls who want to go straight for a nipple piercing.”
In all seriousness, hitting those middle years really doesn’t have to be traumatic for anyone. Pressures and responsibilities can come knocking at our door anytime throughout one’s life. Don’t spend time dwelling on the past; take a leap into your future. Embrace growing up. Everyday we are given the opportunity to restart. Submerse yourself in this time period of self-discovery and new beginnings and never look at your life like it’s falling apart. Life is such a beautiful mess if you just stop, look and listen.
Corydon Times 
